


Catawampus

by Taliya



Category: Magic Kaito, 名探偵コナン | Detective Conan | Case Closed
Genre: Animal Transformation, Blood, Drama, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Mild Language, Minor Injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:53:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23958751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taliya/pseuds/Taliya
Summary: He suddenly recalled the morning news reports of a loose snow leopard roaming around Tokyo and abruptly wished he that the Tama Zoo’s staff had been just a tad bit more successful in their attempts to capture the big cat.  Alotmore successful right now, seeing as said big cat was currently sprawled across his couch, sleeping.
Relationships: Kudou Shinichi | Edogawa Conan & Kuroba Kaito | Kaitou Kid
Comments: 6
Kudos: 147





	Catawampus

**Author's Note:**

> _Detective Conan_ and _Magic Kaito_ characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to Aoyama Gōshō.
> 
> \---
> 
> Warnings: Minor feline indecency, minor blood and injuries, mild language

Twenty-four-year-old Kudou Shinichi yawned, shutting the door behind him. Despite the fact that it was not even ten in the evening yet, he was exhausted. Pursuing Kaitou KID—and keeping up with said thief—between the three wards of Minato, Chuo, and Chiyoda was not the easiest thing to do. KID had still gotten away in the end, and the TMPD detective had left the chase mildly frustrated but immensely satisfied at the same time.

The phantom thief had been on point, and Shinichi had been hard pressed to keep up even as he relished the challenge the magician presented. He quickly showered and collapsed into bed, falling into a deep sleep as soon as his head touched the pillow.

Shinichi woke up and, after fumbling through his morning ablutions, staggered into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. It was Sunday, and he had not needed to go to the department since he had completed all of his paperwork last night—therefore, he was able to sleep in a little more than usual. He turned on the television, flipping to the morning news before beginning to brew a pot of coffee and cracking eggs for breakfast.

_“—ister has promised to be more stringent on the illegal importation of all drugs. Police forces all across the nation have vowed to crack down on users and dealers._

_“In other news, several citizens of Chiyoda have reported sightings of what appeared to be a snow leopard running loose an hour or so after Kaitou KID’s heist ended. The big cat thus far has not harmed anyone. Officials of Tama Zoo, ironically, have not reported a missing snow leopard despite the fact that they have snow leopards as part of their exhibit and that the zoo’s staff practice escaped animal drills every couple of years. The zoo’s staff urges the public to remain alert, to not approach the animal, and to call animal control services immediately upon sighting.”_

Shinichi frowned as made himself omurice for breakfast. _What an odd thing to report about,_ he reflected as he cooked chicken and diced vegetables, then adding seasoning and rice to the pan. He squirted in a healthy drizzle of ketchup, mixed it one last time, and tried his best to plate it tastefully. His thoughts strayed as he busied himself with the eggs, carefully folding it into a half-moon shape once it was firm enough to do so. At length he flipped the omelet on top of the rice, sighing when it slid off and flopped onto the side of the rice with a slight jiggle. “At least it should be edible,” he muttered as he turned off the stove and poured himself a cup of freshly brewed coffee. After eating his breakfast and placing his plate and utensils in the sink to be washed later, Shinichi picked up his cup of coffee headed into the library of his home, only to freeze at the entrance of his living room.

He suddenly recalled the morning news reports of a loose snow leopard roaming around Tokyo and abruptly wished he that the Tama Zoo’s staff had been just a tad bit more successful in their attempts to capture the big cat. A _lot_ more successful right now, seeing as said big cat was currently sprawled across his couch, sleeping.

The feline was curled into a loose ball on the left end of the couch, where the morning sunlight slipped in between the blinds and painted bright stripes across the sleeping creature. Its long, fluffy tail circled its tucked feet and rested before its face, the cat’s breaths stirring the thick fur. The coat of the snow leopard was a dusty medium yellowish-grey and covered in the distinctive leopard spots and rosettes—though they were dark grey as opposed to black. Its round ears were much smaller compared to other big cats and its tail was disproportionately long and thick.

Shinichi was pondering whether or not he could make it back up the stairs into his bedroom to retrieve his phone without waking the cat up when the feline did exactly what the detective was afraid of: it woke up. He watched with wonder and no small amount of fear as it blinked icy blue eyes open. The leopard rose to its feet and languidly stretched, yawning widely and revealing its nearly three-centimeter long canines. Once that was done, the cat fixed its gaze on the stunned detective, and Shinichi was absolutely paralyzed with fear.

The cat hopped lightly off the couch, its landing almost silent in the stillness of the library, and stalked towards him. Shinichi’s first instinct was to back away from the approaching predator, but logic told him that fleeing would only induce the cat into instinctively chasing him. So he stood his ground, wondering if his death was going to be quick and relatively painless, or slow and painful. The surface of the coffee in his cup rippled with his trembling.

The feline finally reached him but stopped a meter away, watching him. Then with slow, cautious steps that Shinichi could actually hear on the hardwood floor—the leopard had enough fur underneath its feet to make quiet crunching noises—it eased forwards to delicately sniff him. It began with his slipper-clad feet, crouching onto its belly to do so. Shinichi could feel its hot breath through the fabric of his slippers, and it remained there for several seconds before moving upwards.

It was a stocky creature, Shinichi noted, with a compact body and short, sturdy legs. The snow leopard was not a large cat for being part of the _Panthera_ genus; its shoulder when it fully stood reached a little above his knees. Regardless, Shinichi had to work incredibly hard to stifle a yelp when the cat began snuffling around his… bits. It unnerved him thoroughly to have fangs that close to the family jewels.

 _What do I do?_ he desperately thought. _How can I get help without provoking the cat into attacking me?_ He distantly realized his hand was cramping from clenching the handle of his coffee mug.

The detective was startled out of his thoughts and his heart leapt into his throat when the leopard head-butted him on the thighs and—to his utter relief and confused amazement—released a chuff. It continued to rub its face against his legs, chuffing every few seconds in apparent affection.

“Uh…” Shinichi’s first instinctive reaction to any creature that showed him affection was to return it, but there was no way he was going to try petting a _snow leopard_.

At length the feline swiped by him with a full-body rub against his legs and stalked past him, its tail grazing the hardwood floor behind it. Shinichi turned to watch the cat as it paused in the foyer, head craning upwards to observe its surroundings. Its ears were pricked forwards, allowing the detective a clear view of the black backsides, each marked with a single white spot. It scented the air curiously, ears twisting this way and that, before it rounded the banister and began climbing the stairs.

Shinichi wanted to groan aloud. His mobile phone was up there, and he had disconnected the house’s landline years ago—a choice he now thoroughly regretted. There was always the option of running to Agasa’s to borrow his phone, but at the same time he did not feel comfortable leaving a _snow leopard_ alone in his house. And as it was a Saturday, there was a decent chance that the Shounen Tantei-dan—the trio consisting of Tsubaraya Mitsuhiko, Yoshida Ayumi, and Kojima Genta—would show up unexpectedly on his doorstep, the three of them having adopted him in place of their missing friend, Edogawa Conan.

 _What do I do? The cat hasn’t yet been aggressive with me at all, though who knows how long that will last. I guess I will tape a note on my front door and use Agasa’s phone to call animal control._ Decision made, Shinichi quietly shuffled into his kitchen and left his coffee cup in the sink. He rooted around the drawers, producing a tape dispenser, a pad of paper, and a pen. Jotting down a quick note to find him at Agasa’s, he pulled off a piece of tape and adhered one end to the top of the paper. Spinning, he froze upon seeing the snow leopard standing in the entrance to the kitchen—and thus blocking his way directly to the front door.

There was always the option of exiting through the dining room and taking a roundabout path to the foyer, but that meant the cat would still be by the front door. Exiting out the back into the backyard was an option, though it meant a longer walk to get to Agasa’s. The decision was taken out of his hands when the big cat padded towards him, and only then did Shinichi notice that there was something in its mouth.

Something red and black. Something with a dangling keychain. Something _incredibly_ familiar.

The leopard bent its head down near his feet and deposited a saliva-covered mobile phone— _his_ phone—on the floor. It gazed up at him, snorted with what Shinichi could only describe as derision, and stalked off, whacking him in the knee with a flick of its tail. It glanced back at him over its shoulder at the kitchen entrance, its gaze piercing and—Shinichi got the distinct impression of an intelligence far beyond that of a normal feline in its eyes. And not only that, but the blue of its irises were tinged with lightly violet. Was that normal?

The cat huffed once more before disappearing out the entryway. The detective blinked dumbly, eyes going from the disappeared feline to the mobile device on the floor. Logic stated that he should call animal control services to let them deal with the leopard, but his curiosity argued that this cat was different, that it acted entirely out of character for a wild feline.

He gingerly plucked his phone off the ground with two fingers, wrinkling his nose in mild disgust before turning on the sink and shoving the phone under the faucet. One of the benefits of this particular phone model was that it was rated IP68, meaning it could handle a quick bath. Shinichi rinsed the phone and dried it off, curiosity overtaking rational thought as he pocketed the phone and decided to find the cat.

Popping his head out into the hallway, he cautiously followed in the direction he had last seen the cat, poking his head into various rooms before he found it back in the living room, once again curled up on the couch. This time, however, it was awake, and it lazily stared at him with those unnervingly bright eyes, apparently comfortable in its environs.

Shinichi abruptly felt like an idiot when he waved a hand at it and said, “Hi.” To his shock, the feline nodded its head in reply. “Ah… you can understand me?” he asked, his voice squeaky with his astonishment.

The cat nodded once more, flicking an ear back in what Shinichi somehow understood was amusement.

“Oh gods…” the detective mumbled, shocked.

\---

Becoming a feline had not exactly been on Kaitou KID’s list of things to do post-heist. It had been an otherwise normal evening: make a spectacular entrance, tease the Task Force a little, prod at whichever detectives were present, snatch the prize, bamboozle everyone with his exit, attempt to pin down Snake long enough for him to be caught, et cetera, et cetera…

Yet somehow during his scuffle with the mustached mafioso and his gang of baddies, the opera-length necklace that he had stolen that evening had somehow managed to slip onto his neck. Considering it had bypassed both hat and monocle to where both had remained firmly on his head and face, KID would have normally privately claimed that _that_ , in and of itself, could be considered a miracle.

The moment the pendant had settled on his chest, KID had felt a brief but agonizing burst of pain that radiated outward from his where the star sapphire had knocked against his belly, along with a burst of light and sound that momentarily blinded and deafened him. He came to moments later, splayed flat on the ground, Snake and his men having somehow been blasted back far enough to be thrown off their feet.

KID got back on wobbly legs, dazedly wondering why he felt so _short_ , even as he noticed how abruptly loud his surroundings were, how he could count the number of thumbtack holes on the far wall of the office they were in.

As Snake spat oaths as he levered himself up, the phantom thief decided discretion was the better part of valor in this instance—his instincts were also clamoring for him to hide somewhere—he turned tail and fled. It took him a moment before he realized that he was not running on two feet but on four, and upon realization he tripped and ungracefully ate it on the hallway carpet.

 _Thinking too much,_ he chided to himself, and let instinct guide his movement as he suppressed the desire to wonder what he had become. It was as he caught his reflection on the elevator door that it fully sunk in that he was no longer human.

KID stared. _I’m… a cat,_ he thought dumbly. The reflection gazing back was distorted and fuzzy from the frosted surface of the metal, but the magician was able to make out a sleek silhouette of mottled grey. The legs were almost disproportionately short and the tail disproportionately long, the head small for the size of the body.

The scuffle of people standing up, the clatter of guns being ratcheted, snapped him out of his stupor and he reared onto his hind legs to press a large, fuzzy paw— _what the hell_ —on the button to go down. Had he been human he would have made for the emergency stairs, but he currently did not trust his limbs enough to carry him down twenty flights of stairs. He threw himself into the elevator as it dinged open, mashing his nose on the button for the ground floor and pulled his lips back in a grimace—that button smelled _terrible_ —before repeatedly swiping at the button to close the doors.

The thief heaved a sigh of temporary relief as the doors closed and the elevator smoothly rode downwards. When it opened on the ground floor, he dashed out of the elevator, out of the lobby, and into the decorative bushes that lined the sides of the building before anyone could spot him and take pictures as proof. He slunk around the barricade formed by Task Force members, keeping to the shadows as best he could despite his coloring, and _ran_.

KID had no idea where he could go. Normally he would have either gone back home in Ekoda or to the safehouse in nearby Chuo. But without opposable thumbs—and where did his clothing and all his gear _go_?—he would have been unable to enter the small studio apartment without being spotted. Ekoda was simply too far away.

A rhythmic thumping on his chest as he ran distracted him, and he paused in an alley to try to figure out the cause. Craning his neck so that he could look down his chest was awkward and had him instinctively backing into a wall, but the gleam of a gem in the dim light pollution was all the answer he needed. The Ghost in the Snow remained looped about his neck, the thickness of his fur practically hiding it from view.

 _Safety first,_ his feline instincts called, _Need to go somewhere safe._ While KID was wary of the cat instincts that he could feel, he did trust that they would not harm him. Thus, he allowed them to guide him to a location that would satisfy the cat’s need for security.

 _Wonder what kind of cat I am,_ he thought as he practically flew down near-empty streets. _I am grey with some sort of pattern that I couldn’t quite see in the elevator door. Based on my height compared to the elevator buttons, I am not a tiger or a lion because I am too small. Also not the right color. Jaguar? Leopard? Not the right color for either since I would need to be more gold in color. Panther? Cougar?_

He panted heavily as he began to slow down, taking in the sleepy neighborhood that his feline instincts had drawn him to. This late at night, most of the homes in the area were darkened, the inhabitants likely asleep. KID stopped before a gated mansion of a house, and as he stared at it with growing familiarity, it dawned on him that he was in Beika.

More specifically, in front of the house of one _Kudou Shinichi—_

—who was likely still at the heist location and therefore not home.

KID was over the exterior gate and prowling across the lawn before he realized what he had done. A quick circle of the house revealed an open window on the second floor across from a rather conveniently placed tree, and with barely a second thought the thief leapt up the tree and slid himself neatly through the open panel.

The interior lights were all off. KID’s paws landed on plush carpet; a glance around revealed a tidy bedroom that smelled heavily of the detective. How he knew that, he had no idea. He slinked through the doorway, creeping down the shadowed hallways and down the stairs, pausing frequently to sniff at whatever interesting scent caught his fancy.

The cat eventually ended up in the library. One end of the couch within the room appeared particularly well used, and the worn leather of that seat was softer than the rest. It was with a rumble of satisfaction in his chest that he circled in the spot several times before settling down and curling up around himself, nose tucked into the end of his tail.

While KID wanted to contemplate more about his unexpected transformation—how did it happen, why did it happen, what caused it, and who could he call upon for help, exhaustion from both the heist and its subsequent activities drained away his desire to remain awake. And so the phantom thief drifted off to sleep, tucked away in the library of his biggest rival.

Here, it felt oddly safe. And here was where Kaitou KID fell asleep after a long night.

He barely twitched when he heard the inhabitant of the house return, listened as weary footsteps made straight for the bedroom upstairs. Secure in the knowledge that the detective would likely not return downstairs, he drifted off once more.

Needless to say, seeing Kudou’s poleaxed expression upon waking up the next morning was something he would be sure to rub in the detective’s face. Once he was back to being human, that is.

\---

 _The cat can understand me._ It was the solo thought that ran repeatedly through a shellshocked and somewhat hysterical Kudou Shinichi’s mind. _The cat can understand me._

The snow leopard continued to watch him from its perch in his spot on the couch. It’s bright blue-violet eyes bored into his own for a long moment before it glanced away, ears flicking. Unfurling just a bit, it slapped a paw on the seat cushion next to it, once again staring at him. Incomprehension must have scrawled itself across the expression on his face, for the feline repeated the gesture with a chuff.

“I…” Shinichi began, though he did not exactly know what he was about to say.

Apparently having grown impatient, the feline hopped off the couch and approached him. While the detective was reasonably sure the snow leopard would not attack him, he still instinctively tensed up to flee, considering a top-tier predator was coming his way. The cat reached him and nosed his hand, headbutting him several times before going around behind him and shoving him with its head.

“Oi!” He stumbled at the unexpected push, glaring back at the cat. He wanted to complain more, but the snow leopard insistently herded him to the couch, and once he understood the intention he gave in and sat on the center cushion. “Happy?”

The snow leopard responded by jumping onto the sofa next to him and draping itself across his lap before Shinichi had any time to think. It chuffed repeatedly, swiping him with its cheek affectionately across his chest, and Shinichi finally gave into the urge to tentatively press fingers into the exquisitely soft fur of the top of its head.

 _"Wow,"_ he breathed, gently working his fingertips through the yellowish-grey coat. The cat settled, forearms laid across his thighs and front paws dangling just off to the side of his legs. Shinichi brought his other hand up to scratch at the whiskery chin, and the feline leaned forwards into the touch, eyes closing in contentment as it began to purr with its exhales. "You like that, don't you?"

Shinichi worked his hands away from the cat’s head to its neck and shoulders, freezing upon catching his fingers on something thin but hard. He hooked a fingertip around the chain and traced it around the feline’s neck, upon which he found the centerpiece of the necklace hidden in the thick fur of the snow leopard’s chest.

His heart seemed to skip a beat as he stared at the large yellow-green star sapphire surrounded by a line of pavé-set diamonds. “The Ghost in the Snow,” he murmured, staring at the yellow chatoyant gemstone. His eyes flicked to the head of the large cat, who was seemingly having a staring contest with a bookshelf. “So that means you are…”

The snow leopard twisted its head to stare at Shinichi, those all-too-intelligent eyes boring into his own.

“… KID…?” he whispered cautiously, and the cat responded with a chuff and a headbutt to the chest. Shinichi felt the breath rush out of him before his cheeks flushed in embarrassment. He had _Kaitou KID_ draped across his lap, contentedly nuzzling him. “Oh my god,” muttered under his breath, and based on the huff and flicks of his ears, the thief managed to convey his amusement. With a not-so-gentle shove on the snow leopard’s shoulder, the detective growled, “Get off me, KID.”

Of course, Shinichi failed in getting the cat to budge, though it was not without some effort in return on KID’s part. The phantom thief rolled into Shinichi in retaliation, leaning his weight into him and therefore resting his head squarely on his chest. Shinichi swallowed a noise of mortification as KID continued to rub his face against the detective’s ribcage. Shinichi eyed the cat suspiciously. “You’re not in heat, are you?” he asked, having read somewhere that female big cats tended to become more affectionate when in estrus.

KID immediately sat up, baring his teeth with an affronted expression and an indignant yowl. The cat stood up, swatted Shinichi’s head with a heavily-furred paw, and curled up tightly on the far end of the couch in what was clearly a sulk with a good third of a meter’s space between them. Shinichi raised an eyebrow at the magician’s behavior and sardonically remarked, “I didn’t expect you of all people to be so sensitive, KID.”

Blue-violet eyes darted his direction and a menacing growl rumbled from the cat. The detective flapped a hand dismissively at him. “Yes, yes, menace me all you like,” he said, “since we both know you won’t actually hurt me.” He went silent as his thoughts meandered on his relationship with the thief that had somehow led him to being comfortable sitting on a couch with an apex predator, and after some time the cat came out of his pouting just enough to begin grooming himself.

The rhythmic sound of wet licking was somewhat disturbing to the detective but repetitive enough that he easily tuned it out. Shinichi was currently pondering on how KID had somehow managed to turn himself into an overgrown housecat when movement caught his eye. He turned, blinking once to ensure he was not seeing things before he recoiled and yelped as he hid his suddenly overheated face, “Do you have to do that _now_?”

KID, for his part, had, during the process of grooming gone from his front paws to his face, then to his torso. It only naturally followed that he would clean… other areas as well… the way most normal felines would by lifting a hind leg up into the air to expose his privates. When a long moment had passed in which there was not a hint of sound from the thief, Shinichi cautiously peered in the cat’s direction to find the snow leopard not only hiding his face behind his tail, but behind his paws as well, ears pressed tightly back in humiliation.

Taking advantage of the moment, Shinichi tugged his phone out and quickly snapped a photo. KID snapped to, eyes zeroing in on the red device before he sprung at the detective with every intention of stealing the damning evidence. Shinichi shrieked—who would be brave enough not to, when seventy kilograms of growling muscle, claws, and fangs suddenly sprung your way?—but somehow had the presence of mind to keep his phone away from searching teeth.

KID slammed into him with all the force of a sledgehammer to the chest, knocking the detective back onto the last third of the couch with a choked, “Oof!” The big cat rumbled threateningly from his crouch atop Shinichi’s body, one hind foot pressed distractingly close to somewhere potentially very painful.

“KID,” Shinichi wheezed while praying to any god who would listen that the magician’s foot did not slip, “I can’t breathe…” The thief huffed and flopped down on him instead of getting off, smothering Shinichi in thick, soft fur. The detective contemplated where exactly he went wrong in his life for things to have come to _this_. KID’s weight on top of him was heavy and warm, causing him to not only break out in a light sweat, but emphasize the fact that a corner of his phone was doing its utmost to burrow into his right kidney.

“KID,” he repeated, “please get off.” An uninterested hum answered him. “Seriously.” A huff. “Last warning.” Another huff.

 _You asked for it,_ Shinichi thought, and planting his right leg into the corner where backrest met cushion, he used both leg and right arm to heave himself into a tilt. The unexpected angle sent KID into a slide towards the floor, and the snow leopard instinctively scrabbled for purchase against gravity. A set of claws caught Shinichi in the shoulder, and as he hissed in surprise and pain, he realized that startling a cat might not have been his best idea.

The phantom thief, upon realizing what he had done, had immediately retracted claws that had reactively extended in order to find purchase against the unforeseen movement and therefore landed decidedly _not_ on his feet with a very ungraceful _thump_. He almost instantly recovered, standing back up to nose carefully at the detective in apology.

Shinichi sat up with a wince, hand pressed to his right shoulder. Lifting it away revealed four clean linear punctures in his shirt outlined in blood, and with another hiss he stood and made a beeline for the bathroom where a first aid kit was stored. KID trotted worriedly beside him, and only when Shinichi was seated on the closed toilet did he gently rub his head against the man’s knee.

“It’s okay, KID,” Shinichi murmured, peeling his shirt off to better see the damage. The four claw incisions were spaced roughly two centimeters apart in an arc that began just below his clavicle and crossed onto his deltoid, and they were concerningly deep. With rubbing alcohol, Shinichi cleaned the wounds as best he could with teeth gritted from the pain of disinfection. He frowned as he pondered the best way to dress the injuries. Butterfly stitches were necessary to keep them shut, and a roll of gauze would keep them clean. Shinichi knew exactly what he needed to do to treat his injuries, but the task required more hands than he currently had.

He eyed the snow leopard, who at this point was sitting before him with his chin propped on Shinichi’s left knee, blue-violet eyes intently watching. “Do you think that if I took that necklace off, you’d revert to your human form?” he asked, and KID’s thick, long tail twitched. Shinichi hummed in thought before muttering, “Well, got nothing to lose trying.”

He reached out for the cat-eye sapphire buried in milky fur, but KID quickly retreated out of reach with a warning snarl. The detective frowned at the magician’s odd behavior, trying to figure out why he had reacted the way he had. KID twisted his head about as if searching for something. He turned to face the sink and reared onto his hind legs, snagging the hand towel with his teeth before presenting his find to Shinichi.

Realization had the detective feeling unanticipated gratitude for the thief’s thoughtfulness. “Thank you,” he said as he accepted the towel, and only when he had positioned it so that it completely covered his hand did KID approach and allow him to reach for the gem. The pendant lifted away easily enough, but the thick silver chain caught easily in the dense, fluffy fur around the cat’s shoulders.

Shinichi scowled at the thief. “Even when you want to help, you’re a menace, you realize?” he muttered under his breath as he worked his covered fingers back and forth along the length of the necklace. KID, head bent forwards in an effort to utilize gravity, snorted in response. At length Shinichi was able to lift the Ghost in the Snow over the snow leopard’s head.

The moment it was no longer in contact with the phantom thief, there was a disorienting flash and a bang. Shinichi, not expecting such a violent reaction, shouted in surprise and flung both towel and jewelry into the wall behind him as he recoiled. And suddenly, Kaitou KID, in full white uniform, sat with his legs stretch out on either side of the toilet and both of his hands braced on the ground before him.

The thief blinked, eyes flicking first to Shinichi, then to his feet—which were still encased in white loafers, to his trouser-covered legs, and then to his gloved hands. “I’m back,” he murmured, staring greedily at his fingers and palms as he lifted them to his face to inspect them.

Shinichi snorted, pressing a hand to his shoulder as it had begun bleeding again from his sudden movement just a moment ago. “Welcome back,” he said with some exasperation and much warmth in his voice.

KID grinned widely and replied, “I’m back.” Those blue-violet—indigo, actually—eyes crinkled with the force of his smile before locking on the blood that was beginning to seep from beneath the heel of Shinichi’s palm. “Let’s get you fixed up, shall we, Meitantei?”

The phantom thief levered himself up with brisk efficiency, tugging off his gloves and stowing them in a pocket before snagging a fresh washcloth. He began by wiping away the blood that had been smeared by Shinichi’s hand, giving the damp cloth to the detective so that he could clean off his hand. KID nabbed several butterfly bandages, a cotton swab, and antiseptic gel. He dabbed each of the cuts with gel before carefully applying the butterfly stitches on each individual wound. 

“I’m sorry about these,” KID said as he patted down the last butterfly bandage.

Shinichi shrugged with his good shoulder. “I should have known better. Instinct would dictate that when a cat is startled, they hang onto whatever they happen to be on with their claws.”

“Still,” the thief insisted, displeasure curving his lips downward. “I should have been able to control myself better.” He used a roll of gauze to wrap Shinichi’s shoulder both to keep the cuts clean and to remind the detective to take it easy on his right arm for the immediate future.

The detective snickered. “Like when you were grooming?”

The phantom thief flushed. “I can’t _believe_ I did that,” he groaned. He finished securing the free end of the gauze, gazing proudly at his handiwork. Task done, he began cleaning up the mess of the sterile bandage packaging that he had made. 

“It’s certainly something that I have no desire to see again,” Shinichi needled, thrilled at the opportunity to embarrass the magician and taking advantage of it to the fullest as he carefully pulled his shirt back on. “I even have proof that you are capable of feeling ashamed of yourself!”

“Mercy, Meitantei,” KID pleaded as he washed and wrung out the bloodied washcloth. “What would you like to do with this?”

“I’ll take that,” Shinichi said, reaching out with his good arm to take the stained towel. “And absolutely no mercy from me, KID. Consider it partial repayment for those times you impersonated me while I was Conan.”

KID moaned pathetically, slumping over the sink. He abruptly straightened as he asked, “What happened to the gem?” with a serious expression on his face.

Shinichi blinked, thinking back to the moment the phantom thief had returned to being a biped. “I… I think I threw it…?”

The two of them peered into the space beneath the commode tank and found the towel KID-as-a-snow-leopard had grabbed in a crumpled heap on the tile, the chain of the necklace snaking out from underneath the cloth. KID extracted his gloves from his pocket and pulled them back on before reaching down and picking up the silver chain by the fingertips.

“I’ll be taking this,” he quietly stated as he lifted the yellow centerpiece up to the light with his other hand. “I wouldn’t want someone else to suffer such an unfortunate accident the way I did.”

Normally Shinichi would have objected, considering it was his job to both apprehend the magician and retrieve the heist target. But in this instance, considering the gem possessed such a strange and powerful—curse? spell? magic?—something that _could not be easily explained by science_ , the detective was not all too keen on bringing it back to police headquarters, where it would be handled by multiple people before being returned to the owner.

“Take it,” he said solemnly, gazing at KID with the slightest wrinkle to his brow. “I don’t want anyone hurt by it either.”

KID nodded once and pocketed the gem with some sleight of hand. A corner of his lips quirked up, and he murmured, “I suppose I’ll take my leave now.”

Shinichi stood up from the toilet, and the two of them exited the bathroom to the hallway, the detective glancing at the front door. “I guess so.” He returned his gaze to the thief as he asked, “KID?”

“Hm?”

“You sure you weren’t in heat when you were a cat?” Shinichi said this with a completely straight face and even included a little bit of side-eying for effect.

The result was spectacular. KID sputtered, turned bright red, and screeched in outrage, “I was being _friendly_! What made you think I was?!”

Shinichi shrugged his good shoulder again. “Just the fact that you were such a damn affectionate little kitty, that’s all—fluffy too!” When the detective realized that KID had been rendered speechless because he was apparently too embarrassed to speak, his serious exterior cracked, and he guffawed heartily at the thief’s expense. “Gods, your expression…!”

“Yes, yes, laugh it up, Meitantei,” KID grumbled sourly. “And on that note, I will take my leave and retreat with whatever shreds of my dignity remain.”

“Whenever did you have any dignity to begin with?” Shinichi quipped. KID replied with a scowl and an exceedingly rude gesture, and the detective nearly bent in half as he dissolved into helpless giggles.

KID crossed his arms over his chest and sniffed, affronted. “I,” he announced imperiously, “am _leaving_. Good day, Meitantei.” And with that, he threw down a smoke bomb and disappeared.

Shinichi took a long moment to compose himself, and despite his best efforts, giggles still managed to escape from him every so often. The detective headed towards his study after stopping by the living room to retrieve his phone, his mood thoroughly uplifted despite having sustained an injury this morning. He unlocked the screen to find the camera open to the last picture taken: KID as a snow leopard, face hidden beneath both paws and tail and ears pressed flat against his skull. He chuckled at the image while simultaneously wincing at the reason for the thief’s dismay.

 _Even if I told someone about what happened this morning, who would believe me? The only way to prove what happened would be to show this picture._ Shinichi studied the image, slight disbelief rising in his chest at the knowledge that the feline in the picture was _Kaitou KID._ It was… an absurdly _cute_ picture, if he did say so himself—though his teeth ached at the sheer adorableness of the thought.

He changed his phone’s lock screen image of a selfie of himself and Ran hiking in the woods to the embarrassed snow leopard—he wanted to be able to whip it out at KID’s next heist to remind him of his misfortune. He also emailed it to himself in multiple email addresses, as well as storing it on his laptop and a backup external hard drive. No way was KID hacking his computer or accounts to delete this—he was keeping this picture safe.

With that task done, he opened up his email application to catch up on case developments overnight. As he read through today’s word of the day email, he laughed aloud at the irony. _What a word to sum up my day thus far._

\---

Catawampus

_noun:_

1.) An imaginary fierce wild animal

_adjective:_

2.) Fierce, savage, destructive

3.) Askew, awry

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s Note: I did so much research on snow leopards for this fic, and gods they are adorable. I thought about incorporating the fact that they have been photographed biting their own tails, but every picture I saw of them doing this was taken in captivity and therefore potentially not something wild snow leopards would do. 70 kg (155 lb) is on larger end of the scale for a male snow leopard. This fic was inspired by _Blame It On The Cat_ by SerasenWind (FFN). Definition taken from the Merriam-Webster Dictionary online. I hope you enjoyed it.
> 
> \---
> 
> Completed: 01.05.2020


End file.
